Monday, November 5, 2012

The Kacirek Family ~ 31 Families of HOPE: Day 5

Meet the Kacirek Family!

Randy & Tina Kacirek, Holden 13, Liam 11, Maxim 11, Grace 10, Jubilee 5, Rainan 3

We're changin' things up a bit today.  You're in for an amazing read!  I am confident that you will come away both encouraged and challenged by the Kacirek family's testimony.

Living in a Grace Haven
by Tina Kacirek

The Lord broke my heart for the orphan when I was very young.  Drawn to the documentaries of Romanian children languishing in their beds, I would begin dreaming of rescue and I was the one rescuing.  At the tender age of 10 I understood injustice and didn’t get apathy.  I knew what was wrong and didn’t understand how it could happen.  I knew then, that adoption must be in my future.

It was simplified in those younger years.  I would love a child others threw away and they would shine.  I would love them and they would love me.  The world would be made right this way.  My advocate heart yearning for healing for the broken would go through its own broken story and need its own healing. With bits and pieces of woundedness hidden inside, my husband Randy and I had our two biological sons,  Holden and Liam.  Healthy and sweet natured these early days hold blissful memories of my boys.  Soon, joy seemed to invite the idea that the timing was perfect to begin our adoption journey.  

Being careful of our two who were only 5 and 2 when we brought home our first daughter, Grace, we wanted to be sure that there would be no problems that could harm our two.  While special needs did not scare us we were certain that Fetal Alcohol Syndrome was something we would not be able to handle.  And so through a failed adoption, through a fraudulent agency, and through a deception, we would go to meet our “healthy” girl who would fit into our family.  Only the girl they placed on my lap, I would immediately recognize as having that one thing we had affirmed our hearts to not receive.
Watching her in that dark room, flopping and shoving her finger up her nose so hard she would bleed terrified me.  Where was the rescue heart?  Where had this strong advocate preteen girl gone to?  Why was fear gripping us?  I was made for this moment and yet every part of our flesh said “Run!”  Our prayers would tell us to stand firm.  
And so began our long journey of healing and the birth of orphan ministry.  In order to minister to the orphan before us, our own orphan spirits would need tending to.  With mercy, the Lord took us down a path that collided with our previous self-planned life.   It was the first time we didn’t have the answer and neither did anyone around us.  Those broken children on that documentary were different in my rescue daydreams than this girl that sat in front of me banging her head on the wall.  “Make her stop God!” I cried.  Her pain touched my pain but instead of it meeting in a love grasp – it only repelled one another in fear.    

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.   1John 4:18  
As long as I feared of failing as a mother and she feared life itself, we were in for trouble.   Had I repressed this feeling, I would still be there pretending to be happy but brokenhearted and guilt ridden.  On my knees I cried out, “God, what do you want me to know?  What do you want to do?“ 
                            I LOVE YOU 
                                                           Let that seep in.
                                                                                               Let it rest there.  

For the next few years all He wanted me to learn, was that He was enough; More than enough.  He was the only One who knew my heart cry and who knew how to reach my daughter.  If He could be this gentle with me when I felt so completely inadequate, I knew He would lead me.  This was Grace Haven.
As I laid down every last broken piece of past rejections and forgave, He washed me clean of obligation, striving, people pleasing and self pity.  None of them were wanted yet each of them had firm residence in my soul.   His grace haven welcomed me and invited me to leave the wounds that continued to flare when someone rubbed up against them.   Again, fear and love cannot exist together.  And my time in grace haven, when I poured out my heart, became my intimacy with Christ.

What happened is I exchanged my view of God as the One who sees my failings and is disappointed in me for my Heavenly Father who delights in my heart and longs to console and be merciful with me.  The orphan wants to run and hide their weakness – the child who knows their good Daddy runs to him for safety.  So minutes of pain connected together and ran over into hours of prayer that spilled into months of trusting, followed by years of daily grace to walk out a path perfectly designed by Him for me and my husband  to do just as He had always planned: to rescue those oppressed and held down in bondage to lies meant to keep them broken and wounded.  

You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. Psalm 30:11-12

Their story isn't done.  And the exciting part is - YOU can be part of it!  Be sure to check out their family blog to keep up-to-date on their process to bring home two more of their amazing children!  Join me in PRAYING that God would provide for every single need to make this reality.  Contact them if you'd like to help make it happen.  

Also, check out their ministry at Grace Haven!

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You can also find info about a new devotional for adoptive/fostering mommas at

Be sure not to miss the rest of the "31 Families of HOPE" series:

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