Monday, January 9, 2012

When we Doubt after We've Said YES to the Fatherless

So what happens when the doubts creep in? After you have said YES to the Fatherless. After all the long and rigorous process ... every mountain climbed ... bruised knees, bank accounts and all. When you get to the other side of this amazing thing called adoption and it really doesn't look like what you had envision. When you're too scared to tell your friends {even the closest ones} how things are really going.

What do you do when the medical needs you were faintly aware of turn out to be WAY more than you ever dreamed?

Or the family you had prayed for to accept your new family member in fact does not accept them?

How about the financial disaster you in no way could have been prepared for?

Maybe the strain you find your marriage in, because you are all stretched so thin, causes you to doubt this was really worth it.

What about the peculiar behaviors that now make up your every-day-life that are far heavier to deal with than the books ever hinted towards?


News Flash = not all adoptions are smooth. Most are far from it. Many are like living in a trauma center 24/7.

I think sometimes we're afraid to talk about the dark and the hard, because we aren't sure if it's safe. Quite frankly many families that TRY to talk, learn real quick it often ISN'T safe. We'd hate for our friends to know how badly we're struggling cuz what if that would discourage them in their own journey, or, GASP ..... cause them to doubt saying YES.

There's really only one place we can go. We have to go back to the One that adopted us. The One that CHOSE US. The One who SACRIFICED for us. The One who gave up EVERYTHING for us. The One who KNOWS us {and the child we said yes to}.

You see, early in the adoption journey we often become convicted of what our role should be in response to the Fatherless. We find comfort in the verses that talk about how the Father cares for orphans. We get real familiar with statistics and the need. We acquire this realization for what He did for us, His sons and daughters in need of a Savior ... in need of a FATHER.

But what we don't see ... what we can NOT see ... until later into the journey is the dark and the hard and the down right ugly. We have NO IDEA just what adoption cost the Father. We have such a shallow understanding of how deep and ugly and dark our own sin is. But the beauty is that it's in that place where we can understand EVEN MORE SO how much He truly loves us. He NEVER gives up on us. He never stops PURSUING us. He never LEAVES us. He is there for the long haul. Through each difficult and twisting turn.

Do you know He's there for you? Have you stopped recently to just bask in the TRUTH of His Word? He already KNOWS you can't do this on your own. He isn't consumed about the areas you have fallen short. He wants you to turn your face to Him and let Him HELP you. He CREATED the child you said YES to. He knows their complex needs. He doesn't require you to fix everything ... to fix anything ... just lean into Him and rely on Him as Father to you both.

Psalm 33:21-22
"In him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in his holy name.
May your unfailing love be with us, LORD,
even as we put our hope in you."

I'm really thankful that my daughters now have a father. But I'm most thankful that they have always had a Heavenly Father.

Lord, help us to look to YOU, our Father, and draw our daughters to you every opportunity we have. Help them to know of your GREAT LOVE for them.


  1. All I can say is thank you for writing this...This is definately for me today...we are currently in the process of adopting thru foster care...we have so many obstacles in front of us from medical (waiting on mammogram to find out what is there) to financial that it seems like we are always going up hill...I refuse to allow any of it to stop us from the ultimate goal...our lil guy will be coming home ....Thank you again...

  2. Beautiful. Amen to it isn't easy- but as you said, it wasn't easy for Him either. All too often we try to make life about being easy- and whether you adopt or not, one thing I can guarantee it isn't going to be easy. ;) Thanks for the awesome post. Your family is adorable!