Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Belly Buttons & Birthmoms
You just never know when the questions will come. "Mommy, where did my belly button come from?" Today was hair day and after we got the old style all undone it was time for a bath and hair washing. It would be really easy to just give answers that didn't embrace the opportunity that is peeking it's way through.
As I was talking with a friend the other day, she mentioned how she knew of a woman in her life that doesn't even know her story. It happens all too often. Children have a right to KNOW their story. It IS in fact THEIR story. Even when it's infiltrated with pain and loss, they deserve to know it.
I want my children to trust me. I want them to know that what I say is true. If I desire to have healthy relationships with them in their adolescent years, then I had better be laying that foundation of truth and honesty NOW, while they are young.
The conversation continued something like this ....
"Sweet girl ... that is where you were attached to your birth mom when you were growing inside her tummy.", I said. "OH!!!", she said. "You mean the mommy plugs it into her tummy?" she said. "Well, not exactly, but there is an umbilical cord that attaches the baby to it's mommy and that is how the baby is nourished while they are in the tummy.", I said. "OOOOHHHH!!!", she said, completely impressed with this new knowledge!
Back when we were in the adoption process, it was engrained in us how important it is to talk with your kids as they begin to put the pieces of their story together. To be honest, that made my heart ache at times, just not knowing what all to expect. How would they handle that kind of information. What I've come to realize is that it will just come up as we live life together! And really, that's the best way. There is no reason to keep these big secrets from our kids and then sit them down when they are 18 and bury them in a heavy load they were never intended to have to carry all at once. No, instead, they should receive bits and pieces as they are ready.
What happens though when the womb wasn't a safe place for them with their birth parents? What then? I know a lot of you are walking that journey! You are living out the ramifications from birth parents choices before you were even in the picture. What THEN? I'll tackle that in an upcoming post.
We went on to lotion her up, get dressed and tackle the new hair style. Just as I want my daughters to know they can come to me when they are hungry or thirsty or scared .... I also want them to know they can come to me with their questions. I want them to know their story. Because, it is just that ... THEIR story.
If you're an adoptive momma, I'd love to hear how you are sharing your child's story with them. What opportunities have you had to tell them bits of their story as you go about your day? What fun questions have your kids come up with? What areas do you find it most difficult to talk about? Leave your answers in the comments. I look forward to hearing from you! :)