Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Belly Buttons & Birthmoms

You just never know when the questions will come. "Mommy, where did my belly button come from?" Today was hair day and after we got the old style all undone it was time for a bath and hair washing. It would be really easy to just give answers that didn't embrace the opportunity that is peeking it's way through.

As I was talking with a friend the other day, she mentioned how she knew of a woman in her life that doesn't even know her story. It happens all too often. Children have a right to KNOW their story. It IS in fact THEIR story. Even when it's infiltrated with pain and loss, they deserve to know it.

I want my children to trust me. I want them to know that what I say is true. If I desire to have healthy relationships with them in their adolescent years, then I had better be laying that foundation of truth and honesty NOW, while they are young.

The conversation continued something like this ....

"Sweet girl ... that is where you were attached to your birth mom when you were growing inside her tummy.", I said. "OH!!!", she said. "You mean the mommy plugs it into her tummy?" she said. "Well, not exactly, but there is an umbilical cord that attaches the baby to it's mommy and that is how the baby is nourished while they are in the tummy.", I said. "OOOOHHHH!!!", she said, completely impressed with this new knowledge!

Back when we were in the adoption process, it was engrained in us how important it is to talk with your kids as they begin to put the pieces of their story together. To be honest, that made my heart ache at times, just not knowing what all to expect. How would they handle that kind of information. What I've come to realize is that it will just come up as we live life together! And really, that's the best way. There is no reason to keep these big secrets from our kids and then sit them down when they are 18 and bury them in a heavy load they were never intended to have to carry all at once. No, instead, they should receive bits and pieces as they are ready.

What happens though when the womb wasn't a safe place for them with their birth parents? What then? I know a lot of you are walking that journey! You are living out the ramifications from birth parents choices before you were even in the picture. What THEN? I'll tackle that in an upcoming post.

We went on to lotion her up, get dressed and tackle the new hair style. Just as I want my daughters to know they can come to me when they are hungry or thirsty or scared .... I also want them to know they can come to me with their questions. I want them to know their story. Because, it is just that ... THEIR story.

If you're an adoptive momma, I'd love to hear how you are sharing your child's story with them. What opportunities have you had to tell them bits of their story as you go about your day? What fun questions have your kids come up with? What areas do you find it most difficult to talk about? Leave your answers in the comments. I look forward to hearing from you! :)


  1. thank you.
    I am taking notes on these little things.
    thanks so much for your transparency.

  2. Lovely post. I loved those moments with my kids. It often happened when combing their hair. Knowing our and telling our stories are very important to me as well. It is a passion of mine to help others know their story is worth telling. I posted about it here:

    I enjoyed my visit to your beautiful blog! It is amazing to see the different gifts and passions God has put in His children.

  3. First, let me say I LOVE THE NEW BLOG LOOK!!! Lovely, just like you :D

    We have always held the same belief for our kids. We were honest with the boys when their grandpa was dying of cancer. Yes, the questions were tough, but they needed the truth. Grandpa wasn't magically gonna get better (not that we didn't pray for healing). Ohhhh, they grieved -- especially my older son -- but they bounced back quickly. They knew that Grandpa was in heaven. No fear in that!

    Ellie "OWNS" her story! With her summer birthday, she can't take cupcakes to school to celebrate like schoolyear birthday kids. So we go on "Gotcha day" instead. Her friends are learning that it's cool that she doesn't look like mommy. That she got to go to the zoo in China -- really? THAT FAR AWAY (who cares that she doesn't remember it, just the pictures). And she explains that while most babies go home for the first time in a car, she got to fly home in a giant jumbo-jet.... OKAY, so her friends end up jealous for a moment, but it IS her story. I'm glad she likes the uniqueness.... and I love watching her grow into the harder-to-understand parts bit by bit.

    Great post... thanks for letting me babble.


  4. Your blog looks beautiful -- both the look and the content!