Monday, June 20, 2011

Reality vs. What People Say

We're about seven years or so into the adoption journey. I continue to be amazed by the crazy things that people say. About three years ago I wrote about that here "Things People Say".

It still makes my head spin when people say:

  • "Can I just have one of yours?"
  • "You don't mind if I just keep her, do ya?"
  • "You really don't need two ... how 'bout I just take one?"
It's evident in the humorous and flippant tone that the person is in NO way counting the cost. I don't just mean the cost of adoption. Do they really have ANY idea what adoption has meant for our family? Do they really want to know what the process of separating needs and wants was? I am GLAD those choices were made! Yet I also am aware they were choices. There were sacrifices. My children have known them also. They chose joyfully. They didn't pout and complain when there was no second vehicle to go and do anything during their growing up years. Or lack of money to go and do much extra even if there was a vehicle. Ha. No, instead they were out working odd jobs to try and raise funds. I don't share any of that for a pat on the back. I share it because I think we're AFRAID often, as SPOILED AMERICANS, to CONSIDER the cost. SO WHAT if there is no money for extra-curriculars. SO WHAT if my kids didn't know much about eating out or fancy vacations. SO WHAT if there were months we had to get very creative about groceries so there was enough to feed the family and share with all who came through our house. WHY do we think of those things as "rights"? It grieves my spirit when we value what we think we "deserve" over what children with NO one NEED.

Another thing that's evident is the person behind the comments are not stopping to count the cost for my daughters. They would not have chosen to be stripped from their birthmom and heritage. Their being in our family came about because of horrendous LOSS. My six yr old is FULLY AWARE of that loss. Being in our family doesn't take that away. It will never take away the pain of having been an orphan. Learning to be part of a family takes HARD WORK, both on the family's part and on the adopted child's part.

My daughters are not "trophies". They are not "possessions". They are not "causes". They are HUMAN BEINGS. These precious little ones have hearts that know both JOY and PAIN. This is REALITY.

I want to be a good steward of the amazing blessing it is to be called momma by them. Sometimes that means speaking up. Not just for them, but for the others ... the hundreds ... the thousands ... the MILLIONS that WAIT. And, THIS is reality.

Adoption isn't just a cause. It isn't a trend {at least not here in the Roberts family}. Adoption is a need. A need for ALL of us.

SOME DAY, my friends, the "BUSYNESS" is gonna be OVER. It's all gonna come to an end. Life on this earth will be over. It won't really matter if your kids experienced t-ball or ballet or piano lessons. The trips and vacations and fancy outings are all gonna be dust. And while there's nothing inherently "wrong" with those things ... if they are standing in the way of you saying YES to the Lord than that is reason to shudder.

Maybe this isn't your day to say yes to adoption. Maybe it is. Maybe it IS your day to get alone with God and ask Him about HIS heart. It might not even be adoption ... it might be orphan care. It might be relooking at your family's schedule and finances and asking Him what YOUR responsibility might be to see to it that another child doesn't DIE today. TODAY.

Often God's design for our lives is far different that what we imagined. I never imagined, in the beginning, that these two amazing children would be part of our family. I love to see their smiles. Even moreso, because I know of the threads of pain that are woven into each of their lives. There may be seasons ahead that the smiles fade for awhile. It's during those seasons more than anything that I want them to cling to their {Other} Father.

I love so much that in God's amazing mercy and faithfulness He gave to them also this special earthly father .... to snuggle and nurture them. This earthy dad had every reason to say no. But because He cared more about spending his life following after God's heart, he chose to say yes. They are too.

My heart aches for the children that don't know that kind of love and nurture ..... YET.

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