Wish I could say my hiatus from writing was because we were doing something wild, crazy and fun, but that is not true. I've been (what felt like) deathly ill with the flu in bed for days on end, then to the couch/chair and now in the midst of a lovely recovery!! Happy and thankful! The flu hit first with the guys (except ONE guy who somehow managed to escape it all!), then the girls.
There is one journal entry left to share about sweet M's journey to family. I thought a lot about her time in Ethiopia while we were all sick last week. You see, being desperately ill played a big part in our precious wee-one landing in an orphanage in Ethiopia. She was born with TB in circumstances where she could not receive the medicine she needed. What must that feel like ... to hold your child in your arms and not be able to give them what they need to get better? Even at the orphanage, supplies and nourishment were very limited, but it was a better option to sustain her life at the time. We're so far removed from the needs of precious humans around the world who need basic things just for survival .... clean water, medicine, food. Often we're so busy caught up in making sure all of our children have enough activities and entertainment that we have left no room in our hearts and minds for such greater things of importance.
At the time of this last journal entry, our daughter had made it to the Gladney Care Center and had plentiful sources of food, medicine and was just waiting to finish the course so we could go to get her. How confused she was .... already having left the arms of her ill birthmom, then leaving her first orphanage to yet another place that would only be temporary. Her pictures show the walls that were building up in her ... yet we REJOICE that in each of these places she was DEEPLY LOVED and we know that played a HUGE part in her thriving in her forever family. We are so very grateful for all those that cared for our precious child, before we could do so ourselves. It was truly AMAZING. They will never be forgotten.
Today, my precious child we received your court date. Ever since learning about you, I've been asking God to work a miracle during this part of the process. So much time has been lost. I've been asking Him to redeem some of that time. I've seen your pictures and you are transitioning from the innocent wonder of the baby phase to such a cautious and guarded little girl. I long to see you .... precious one ... and work to build that trust and see a glimpse of a wee-smile out of your heart.
So many months I have longed to hold you and whisper into your ear how much I love you. I can't change what has been lost, dear one ... but I will love you forever. Waiting expectantly for you. Love, Momma
As I work with adoptive families and talk with many prospective adoptive families ... one of the obstacles in the early phase is trying to determine if they could love someone that wasn't born of their flesh. I hear it time and again. This is part of the reason I have shared with you a little glimpse into one Momma's heart .... I couldn't imagine being able to love my children any more than I do. Before I ever saw my daughters with my own eyes ... I would have given my life for them ... it's that kind of love. It doesn't always happen like that ... for some the journey is different ... but it's a journey worth taking.
During the last few days as we've been measuring and serving up lots of doses of pain reliever, fever reducer and cold meds .... I stopped to remember that time in my daughter's life there wasn't any medicine for a far more serious illness. I want to never forget or take for granted all that God has done in her life. I am humbled by all He's done in MY life .... to give me a heart to love ... and to be the ultimate example to me of what love really is.